Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship HKS Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new themes, to seek out new audiences and assimilate all life, to boldly go where no producer has gone before.
Activate Star Trek opening theme! [Da... da-da-da... da-da-da...!]
Producer’s log, stardate 18001.0. Correction: 48001.1. Or is it 48100.0? Computer, restart entry log. Stardate: today.
In our never-ending quest to dominate Asian television, and eventually all Humanoid entertainment, a course was charted to the sparingly explored Controversy sector; two inhabited M-class planets were located. An away team beamed down to the surface of each and made several startling discoveries.
On our arrival to the planet Homolus, we noticed the peculiar behavioral patterns exhibited by the inhabitants. Most members of the population are attracted to the same sex, but they behave no differently from their heterosexual comrades. As my first assistant director noted, they were “normal”… Very few males were overly effeminate, flamboyant or displayed an interest in fashion. In fact, some even resented the idea of organizing their own wardrobe. Even the females were not necessarily tomboys or athletic. Simply astonishing!
Next on our stop was the planet Retrovirulus, where the inhabitants remain infected with a variety of retroviruses, most notably the well-documented human immunodeficieny virus. While all precautions were taken to prevent exposure to this deadly agent, some members of the away team questioned the effectiveness of their gloves and filter masks, and requested the use of space suits instead. I assured them that transmission was only possible through touch and air, and only then did they calm down. As was the case on Homolus, we were stunned by the acts of the inhabitants. Sexual education is regularly preached and words like “condoms” and “protection” are thrown around as easily as mediocre scripts. Worse, they bore no stigma of shame. What happened to 100% abstinence that is as effective as casting pageant winners in leading roles?
As we travel back to the Hong Kong base of the United Federation of Producers, thoughts grow heavy on my mind. How would we integrate such unique personalities into our productions without the risk of overwhelming our viewers? While I may not know the answer now, reality shows are always reliable outlets we can turn to first…
End log. That’s a wrap!
Explanation
This satire pokes fun at the stereotypical roles in TVB series, particularly flamboyant gays and promiscuous HIV-positive characters. It is based on the ever-popular sci-fi television series Star Trek: The Next Generation, which is one of my favorite shows of all time. In the beginning of each episode, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the United States Ship (USS) Enterprise opens with the following voiceover:
“Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”
Picard and his vessel have been replaced by a TVB producer and the Hong Kong Ship (HKS) Enterprise, respectively. Commander William T. Riker has been replaced by an assistant director and disposable ensons are now TV or movie “extras” of the away teams. Sadly, the United Federation of Planets has been overrun by producers who do not know the difference between photon torpedoes and the turbolift.
Valid 
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:55 am
I would be happy to know as least one Star Trek fan here, lol.
[Reply]
June 24th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
oh my goodness, words cannot express the depth of my feelings now that I’ve found another Star Trek fan in the TVB fandom realm. Are they as rare as state-of-the-art engineered androids created by Noonian Soong? (I love me some Data). I absolutely love TNG, but am willing to give DS9 a try. Have you seen the original series, by any chance?
Memory-Alpha.org is a great site for Star Trek fans.
Alright, I think I have sufficiently frightened you away from your own site (which is awesome by the way) with crazed ramblings. But I’m just so…happy. *wipes sentimental tears from eyes*
[Reply]
June 24th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Gina, you made my day!
It is like Data finding his Lore, haha. We are truly rare creatures.
I have seen some episodes of the original, but I still think TNG is the best series of the Star Trek franchise. How I wish it did not end at the peak of its popularity as some of my favorite episodes are from season seven.
I am also a fan of Voyager.
Memory-Alpha.org is the best Star Trek website, but I usually link to Wikipedia. That link in the post needs to be changed later.
Before I continue to ramble on, what do you think about the upcoming movie next year?
[Reply]
June 24th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
haha, I was so excited to be able to speak to another TNG fan that I got right back on the computer when I returned home to see if you replied. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your Data-Lore allegory *ahem, trying very hard to maintain my composure.* Before I get carried away and forget to mention it again, your Star Trek TVB poster and the satire that follows…a stroke of genius! How did you ever make the poster? Is there like a Star Trek TNG font somewhere in the internet universe?
I definitely agree that TNG is the best one out of the franchise. When I was younger, I used to catch random episodes every Saturday in the local channel where I’m from, but didn’t fully come to appreciate it for the masterpiece that it is until about a year ago, when I started watching it chronologically. I must say how relieved I was finishing the first season and finally getting to the good stuff in the third-seven seasons. The second season was definitely better than the first, but the highlights were the later seasons. So far, I’ve watched up the the beginning of the fifth. I especially enjoy any episodes that center around Picard, Data, Vulcans, Romulans, or Klingons. I think my all-time favorite episode so far is The Measure of a Man. I cried during that one. I am also a bit embarrassed to admit that I am also quite invested in the Riker-Deanna relationship. Their relationship is ambiguous, but the chemistry between Marina Sartis and Jonathan Frakes sizzles. Just to insert some TVB into my post, if they were to do a remake of TNG, I’ve always wanted FungYi to play Riker and Deanna. I think they will prove more than adequate to recapture the chemistry. Gah, there’s soo much to talk about. I’ll leave that for another post.
To be honest, I don’t feel any particular excitement for the upcoming Star Trek movie because I’m unfamiliar with the original series (even though JJ Abrams is at the helm and I loved his work in Alias). With none of the original cast in the new movie (with perhaps the exception of Spock (I loved his appearance in TNG when he was trying to build a conciliatory bridge between the Vulcans and Romulans)), I feel like Abrams is just trying to use to Star Trek franchise to make himself more famous or something. Oh my goodness, did I just digress within a digression?! I apologize for rambling so profusely. I’d be happier if they were to make another TNG movie, but with Data destroyed in the last one, it would just be a sad reminder that everybody’s favorite android is gone. I mean, yes, he did implant his memories into another prototype that he created, but the actor himself have said that he was getting too old for the part.
I haven’t seen Voyager, except for an episode here and there, and I hadn’t plan to. However, the fact that one of the characters used to be a Borg fascinates me. They were such a threat in TNG, which makes me want to delve more into the Borg mythology. Ah, the TNG two parter about Lotucus was reeeallly good and Patrick Stewart was amazing in potraying the aftermath.
You won’t mind if we turn this post entry into a Star Trek thread, would you?
[Reply]
June 24th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Aeris, oh Aeris, you never fail to crack me up with your satires. And while I’m not a Star Trek fan by any means, I remember watching a lot of it back in the day with my brother (who was a die-hard fan) - while waiting for him to hand over the rights to the television - and had a very large soft spot for Data, if I remember correctly. Hee.
[Reply]
June 25th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Gina - Sure, why not? Let’s hijack my own post.
I am perfectly comfortable just talking about Star Trek. Ahh, where to begin…
There are tons of Star Trek fonts available online. I downloaded the TNG one here.
My favorite episodes involve the holodeck, Borg, Q, time travel/distortion, and of course, Data. It is always interesting seeing the Borg attempt to assimilate humanity or the crew trapped in that virtual facility. I will admit that I was never too interested in the relationship of any couple, but I am happy that Deanna and Riker finally tied the knot in the movie Nemesis.
Good to know that you are also a FungYi fan! Ray and Tavia would make a great pair in the TVB version of TNG, but I really doubt the company could reproduce something so wonderfully geeky.
While I am disappointed that Data can no longer make an appearance in the upcoming movie, I still look forward to seeing it. Abrams’ Lost is currently one of my favorite shows on television, so hopefully he will do justice to this work.
Voyager is highly recommended. The idea of a starship stranded in the Delta Quadrant trying to crawl its way back to the Alpha Quadrant is very intriguing. With the liberated Seven of Nine on-board, the Borg become a much more significant enemy here, and the introduction of a new species will prove that resistance is indeed not futile. Give the series a try.
Wendy - I enjoyed reading about your experience with Star Trek. That android is a fascinating character.
[Reply]
June 26th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
hmm….I’m sorry, what? I was distracted trying to imagine Raymond in a beard.
Would it be too egregious if I were to conclude, based on our preferences, that you are more attracted to the scientific aspects of Star Trek while I am drawn to the intergalactic relationships between the alien species? That’s what I love about Star Trek, TNG specifically. There’s something for everyone.
Ah, Q…I love that he brings comic relief with him whenever he appears. Other than that, I still need to understand what exactly are his intentions when he interacts with Captain Picard and other humans.
I think I will watch the new Star Trek movie only if the reviews are favorable. For some reason, I feel like it’s being over-hyped (which usually leads to disappointment) just because one of the actors is from Heroes and there’s JJ Abrams, who is definitely enjoying more fame after coming off the success of both Lost and that monster movie. Well, I guess there should be cause for excitement because it’s been like, what, six years since the last Star Trek movie?
About Voyager, wow, I actually had no idea that was the main premise of the series. I thought it was just another starship exploring their way through space. Now I definitely want to check it out.
Heck yeah, I’m addicted to FungYi to the point of necessary psychiatric evaluation since I saw them in TOB four years ago. I visited your site when it was still on blogger and LOVED your FungYi banner. I commented on it on the tagboard, but under another alias. It’s cool that we share another interest in that regard. We really are Data and Lore. Except that Lore was…um, diabolically evil.
[Reply]
June 28th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Gina, I would not want to see Raymong sporting Riker’s beard! I prefer his clean-cut look.
The scientific aspects of Star Trek definitely appeal to me the most. It is a sci-fi series after all.
You may be happy to know that Q continues to make a few appearances in Voyager. I would tell you more, but go watch it so we can discuss that series too, haha.
Oh, I had no idea you stopped by before. Glad you liked the FungYi banner. Do you find it disappointing that Raymond and Tavia are rarely paired up when co-starring in the same series such as Heart of Greed and the upcoming Moonlight Resonance? But since I found HOG to be highly overrated with a ridiculous storyline, it is unlikely that I will watch MR anyway.
[Reply]